Not Tonight
by suspensegirlinc
Summary: Based off 4x22 spoilers - the CB break-up scene; "It's real, Blair. When I look at the two of you, I don't see fake or you trying to move on and rubbing it in my face. I see real." o/s


A/N: Oh…*sigh* this was SO supposed to be up before the episode, but it just did NOT happen. =( Anyways, this is essentially CB's official break-up scene, but just off of the spoilers from 4x22 (which is basically everything that happened, since the spoilers were right XD) – but this is BEFORE Blair tells Louis they're over. She has a side-convo w/ Chuck instead, and…well, you'll see. Heh. I actually was kind of disappointed with the episode, so I won't be writing a post-episode o/s regarding Blair actually CONVINCING Chuck that they should be together, b/c I have to say, the way they played it out on the show made it so she really couldn't say anything else because all the perfect words and facts were being laid out before them and they'd accepted it. *shrug* Anyways, enjoy. Please review!

*I own nothing. No copyright infringement intended.

…..

He watched her as she pranced over to her prince, getting caught in conversation and smiling madly. That was when he knew. He saw her looking happier than he'd ever seen her. The relationship wasn't fake. It had been for real, and now she was giving up the fairytale, all for him? He'd saved her life tonight, but that still hadn't made up for everything that he'd done. And besides that, he could never give her what Louis could. He could never promise royalty or a happy ending with no more heartbreak – no matter how much he wanted to insist on the latter.

He caught her eye about halfway through her conversation and knew that she'd seen his expression. It was acceptance and giving up. It was _really, truly loving_ her and she looked heartbroken. It seemed he could never stop breaking her heart.

"Chuck." She approached him, her voice sounding strained.

"Blair, I think you should—"

"No." she shook her head, now looking on the brink of tears.

He hated himself for what he did to her. He was always making her cry, even here at the end when he was sure he was doing the right thing by letting her go. The last few hours had been pure magic and the mutual consensus to get back together had felt so pure and right the only natural thing left to do was for Blair to break things off with the prince. That was why they were there now, back at the Constance party. The plan was for Blair to go to Louis, inform him that she was safe without giving away too many details that might worry him, and gently break things off. Chuck had been so restless with anticipation that he almost missed how very real Blair looked when she interacted with Louis. It wasn't her being fake to make a quick getaway like he'd seen far too many times with other suitors that "meant the world" to her. This was real. And after what she'd gone through tonight, he could not make himself steal her away from that.

"You can't do this to me, Chuck. You _saved_ my _life_. That's worth _way_ more than being a princess."

His face looked hopeless, but he was determined not to change his mind. It was bound to be hard, especially when her eyes filled with tears and she started to sniffle. She was all choked up and he knew he would be too at any moment. It was clear she had changed her mind about wanting to be with Louis. She wanted to be with him now, her true love, Chuck Bass. But he knew better. Just as he always had.

The memory of his _"I can't make her happy"_ and _"I want you to be happy"_ flashed before his eyes.

"What you and I have," her breaths were short, "our history, tonight—"

He placed his fingertips over her lips gently, silencing her. "Hey, hey, Blair—" She stopped talking as he tucked a few curls behind her ear. "He makes you so happy. I don't want you to lose that. I've broken your heart too many times…"

Her crestfallen face disappeared in an instant when she kissed him suddenly.

He broke away _beyond_ surprised, but pulled her to the side, out of the view of Prince Louis. Once they were in a semi-secluded hallway. He let her drag him into a room and shut the door, but he didn't let her kiss him long.

"Chuck, I _want_ you. I want _you_."

Now she seemed in a frenzy of lust, but they'd done this already and he didn't want to ruin that beautiful farewell.

"Blair, stop."

She stilled and looked deep into his eyes, willing him to change his mind.

He sighed. "Blair, I don't want to let go of you anymore than you do, but I have to do this."

"Chuck—" She could barely speak. She felt like she was breaking into a million pieces all over again. The night had been so wonderful and now he was just ending it? They'd been so close to finally being together. She was _choosing him_ and he was going to _prevent_ her from doing that?

"Why?" she managed, her voice slightly more than a squeak.

He leaned forward and started to kiss her. When finally he pulled back, realization hit him of what exactly this would mean and he knew it would create such a hole in him he'd never be able to fill it with anything real again. He was really saying good-bye to anything that could possibly happen between him and Blair Waldorf right at this moment. It wasn't him being insecure. It was him being scared to death of losing her physically and handing her the gift of a new life because she was more than worthy of such an offer.

"He makes you happy, Blair," he said softly, his forehead leaning against hers. "Happier than I could ever make you, and he won't break your heart. That's a huge step up from me." He tried to laugh.

"Chuck—" Her air supply was running low, and she suddenly very desperately wanted to know why she hadn't fainted from losing everything that meant the world to her.

"It's real, Blair. When I look at the two of you, I don't see fake or you trying to move on and rubbing it in my face. I don't even see you caught up in a fairytale, even if that's part of it one way or another. I see _real_."

A tear ran down the side of her cheek. He caught it and pressed a kiss to where it had been. She closed her eyes, wanting to hold onto his presence as long as she possibly could. She'd been so certain that she'd gotten over Chuck. Louis had brought this happiness into her life that she'd forgotten could actually exist. Putting it next to the complexity of her relationship with Chuck, he'd seemed like the obvious choice. There was no burden for her to carry anymore, and she didn't have to work to please him like she'd had to with Nate.

But tonight had changed things. She'd been very near death and Chuck had literally come to her rescue. They'd spent the rest of the night in nothing but pure bliss, and when the romancing around the city had come to its end, they'd made fierce, passionate, gentle love in an unforeseen place and she'd known she could never go back to Louis. Chuck had felt like a dark empty pit that only ever ended up hurting her the last few months. She'd known in the back of her head that she really did want him, but when Louis showed up and started making all her dreams come true, she'd come to believe that Chuck wasn't really what she wanted at all.

But he had saved her life, and in that instant she remembered everything that wasn't dark. How he understood her, how he loved her with a crazy passion that she could never fully fathom, how he would do anything to protect her and keep her standing strong. He would never hurt her in his right mind. She never doubted that. She wasn't even scared for her well-being when he'd lost control. He only ever wanted her to be safe, protected, and happy. That blinding truth had gotten the best of him right now and her heart was breaking all over again because she didn't think she had the strength to fight him off. It was an inevitability that frightened her beyond belief.

"Don't leave me, Chuck," she got out, the sniffles rising again.

He felt his own breath stealing away. "I love you, Blair." The tears were inevitable. He felt them fill his eyes. "I love you so much it consumes me."

Her breath caught in her throat. She couldn't believe this was happening all over again, that he was really letting her go just after he'd gotten her back. Again.

"And when you love someone as much as I love you, you do what's best for them, what makes them happiest, regardless of what it costs you. You have the world in the palm of your hand with Louis, and you can hardly say that with me." He tried his very best to ignore the deeply cut pained look on her face. He was breaking her more by the second, but it had to be done. She had a lifetime with Louis to make up for what he was doing to her now. "The only thing that matters more to me than having you is making sure you're happy. Tonight I realized that should be only thing on my list. I can't be selfish with you. Not anymore."

"Chuck—" She was gasping for air, tears streaming down the side of her face. Her nails dug into his shoulders and she was frozen, maybe even shaking in her need to hold him.

"Please do this for me," he begged her.

Her mouth opened with no sound. The scream ringing in her head refused to come out.

"Please," he pleaded. "You deserve your fairytale."

"We can make our own fairytale," she insisted, her shaking coming to a sudden halt. "Chuck, I've wanted no one else but you since the second I fell in love with you. Louis may be a_ happily ever after_, but he won't be enough. I mean, I could be blinded into thinking that, but—"

"Then be blinded!" he said. "I'd rather have you blissfully blind than heartbroken and regretful that you skipped out on your romantic fairytale all because—"

"You _saved_ my _life_? You loved me like no one else could?" she spat. _How could he think so little of himself after what he'd done for her?_

He pursed his lips. "I won't tell him about tonight. I'll make sure he never knows." He smiled slightly in remembrance. "It was so magical, Blair. I'll never forget it. I'll never forget _you_."

"Chuck!"

Her face cried out for help, so desperate for him to just listen to her and accept how meant to be they were. It was unbelievable how she was the one with the responsibility when he always seemed to take hold of it so fiercely every second that he was without her.

"Please, Blair," he said. "This is all I ask of you. If you could give me only one thing after tonight, let it be this. Marry your Prince Charming."

"He's right here!" she cried, looking like she was about to shake him.

He hugged her, and felt when her tears soaked up the front of his shirt and jacket. "Please marry him," he whispered against her. "Marry Louis."

"No!" she cried against him.

He stroked her hair, trying to comfort her, and breaking nearly as much as she was. If she finally listened to him this would be it for them. They would finally be over. He was determined to make her happy and he knew this was a way that would prove successful.

"What about you?" she finally asked eons later. "What will you do?" She lifted her head.

"I'll love you forever," he said.

She forced her lips on his and kissed him with a wild raging passion that left her breathless. He didn't stop her this time, and they kissed for what felt like forever. Finally, they parted.

"No more Raina's or Eva's?" she asked shakily. It wasn't that she needed him to stop living his life, love life included, if he was really truly going to give her up. It was more along the lines of giving him limits or pushing herself so far as to crush the both of them. She wanted him to break, even after everything that had happened that night, because nothing could feel more right than what the two of them had.

He shook his head. "I never loved them, and after tonight I realized all I really want is for you to be happy. I don't need to have anyone else. Just to see you on my television screen carrying your head high as a royal overseas." A voice in the back of his head told him he wouldn't be able to go on forever without being romantically involved with someone else, but in the moment it felt like he couldn't. Blair was his everything and the fact that he could move on from her, even if he didn't forget her and what they had, seemed like a crime. He didn't want to admit to that, and he knew she was pushing him as hard as she dared just like he was pushing her.

She was breaking again, so he made to finish up his speech.

"Please marry him, Blair. Please."

"I only ever wanted you. These last two years, I…"

"I know." He smoothed back her hair again, more gently when she started to sniffle. "Shh, I know."

She laid her head back on his shoulder and he started to sway, leading them into a lazy slow dance in the middle of the room, the moonlight shining through.

"I will always love you, Chuck," she breathed.

He swallowed hard. "So will I," he said, his hand clenched in her hair. "The best times in my life were when I was with you. It's going to take me awhile to get over this."

"Then why are you doing it, Chuck?" she asked, breathless again and starting to cry. She stopped their slow, romantic dance. "We're so close to having our happily ever after and you're just going to throw it away?" She was so desperate.

He cradled her face in his hands. "I'm giving you up because I love you too much to give myself the chance to hurt you again."

"You're hurting me now!"

"Shh." He held her to him and rocked her as she cried against him again. "Please do this for me. Let's just have tonight and then all your dreams will come true." He swayed her to their silent song. "And I'll be alright, Blair. I promise."

She sighed shakily and dance with him, her head pinned against his chest and her arms around his neck and shoulders with her fingers in his hair. She was really going to lose him. This was really going to be it. She supposed he could be right on some accounts when it came to Louis, but there was just something about him that…

"Okay," she finally said in what felt like an eternity later.

It felt like he'd been shot in the gut all over again and like his world had just come crashing down. And he'd done it willingly. He'd instigated this action. Who he normally was would shout at him for being a complete idiot to let her go forever when they were finally together once again and had a brilliant hope for the future. But tonight had given him new perspective: he loved her too much to keep her to himself. Her happiness and safety came first, and Louis could make her happy. He would. And he would keep her safe.

"You have my blessing."

….

A/N: Please review!


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